Tell Me What To Do
by butterfly-scrub-cap
Summary: Short one shot. A/U. Cristina asking Arizona how it feels to have a daughter when she used to not want kids. Set mid-way through S8, non-specific timing.


"Dr. Robbins."

Arizona's head spun towards the resident calling her name. "Dr. Yang. Hi. What's up?"

As unimaginable as it had been, the two surgeons had grown closer. Different as they were in personality, they had some similarities – stubborn, determined to be the best, but most prominently, neither of them had wanted to have kids. Arizona had heard Cristina's argument with Owen at Zola's birthday party, and had witnessed their break up and make up. The break up had taken it's toll on Cristina, who had spent nights sleeping in her old room in Callie's apartment.

"I…no. I'm on cardio." Cristina replied simply, keeping her gaze firmly on the wall behind Arizona's head. "I have a, uh, question." Arizona sensed Cristina's unease, but wanted to know what was going on. From all the time she had been with Callie, she'd witnessed her wife's friendship with Cristina, and knew that Cristina was a very private person. "I just have to finish off this chart then I'm free. Exam room three is empty if you want to talk there?" Cristina nodded and ducked into the exam room quickly.

Signing off her patient's chart, Arizona handed it to the nearby nurse before heading towards Cristina in the exam room. As she entered the small room, she took in the sight of Cristina slouched on the exam table; she looked more exhausted and unfocused than Arizona had ever seen her. "Cristina…are you okay?"

It was a long moment before Cristina talked. Arizona leaned onto the cool wall, fixing her eyes on the healthy nutrition poster opposite her, trying to give the younger woman some space to open up.

"You never wanted a kid?" It wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement. "Sofia. Did you…? How…?"

Arizona glanced at Cristina, unexpectedly finding her eyes open wide and staring unblinkingly at Arizona. She nodded, knowing what Cristina wanted to ask but couldn't.

"I never wanted a kid. I'm a surgeon, I didn't think I'd be able to do surgery, be a mother, and still get me-time. Then I got given a kid. It's not easy. There's days when I don't get as much me-time as I want, there's days when I don't get a lot of time with Sofia, there's times when I had to give up a surgery to take care of my daughter while she was sick. It's not easy. Especially not at first." Arizona started smiling softly. "But Sofia…is amazing. I love her, and I wouldn't give her up for the world."

Arizona crossed the short space in the exam room to sit along side Cristina on the exam table. "If you tell Callie this I will personally make sure you are fired from this hospital, because I haven't even told her this myself. But. I didn't want kids because…I was scared I wouldn't manage. I was scared I would be a bad mother and not give them enough time, or if they did get enough time with me then I would become a bad surgeon." Arizona paused as Cristina nodded and fought back a few tears. Keeping her eyes averted from Cristina to allow her privacy, she continued: "That's the furthest thing from the truth. When you love someone, you make room for them."

Arizona patted Cristina's arm as gently as she could, trying to offer her some support without invading her personal space. "For what it's worth, I think you would make an excellent mother. You're intelligent, you're focused, you're caring. You're amazing with Zola and Sofia, they love you. It's easier when they're not yours. Believe me, I know that better than anyone." Arizona looked out to her peds ward as the memory of Callie saying all pediatric surgeons wanted kids came rushing back to her. "It's scary. To think you're accountable for another person. To know a tiny human is counting on you and relying on you because they aren't able to rely on themselves yet. But isn't that what you do every day in the OR? You take people's lives, people's hearts, into your hands, every day Cristina. That's a lot more difficult than feeding a baby it's icky baby formula."

Arizona stood up, turning to face Cristina. "It's not my choice to make for you. It's entirely your choice. But I really do think that. And I'm a living, breathing, walking example that kids aren't so bad after all, they grow on you somehow. You'll be okay Cristina, whatever you choose. You're awesome." Arizona smiled one last time at her, before Heely-ing herself out of the room.


End file.
